A Letter to Myself on the Days I Want to Disappear

Dear Me,

I know today feels unbearable—overwhelming, heavy, and impossibly dark. It’s as if the air itself has thickened, pressing down on your chest until every breath feels like a small act of survival. The world seems dimmer, quieter, and yet somehow too loud all at once. I know the weight in your chest makes it hard to breathe, and the silence in your mind is louder than any noise. I see you. I hear you. And I promise, this is not the end of your story.

There have been other days like this—days when the fog settles in and refuses to lift, when everything feels too heavy, too loud, or too hollow. Sometimes it’s also when things are too bright, and everything seems to be shadows. Errors, mistakes, miscommunication—and life itself—seems like a string of failures. And yet, you’re still here. Every breath you take right now is proof that you’ve survived the worst of it before. That’s not weakness. That’s courage.

I need you to remember: feelings are not facts. And other people’s opinions—even society’s judgments—are just that: opinions, not truths. This ache inside you, this desire to disappear, it’s a symptom. It is not the truth of who you are. You are not a burden. You are not broken. You are not beyond help. You are living with a brain that sometimes lies to you. And that’s not your fault. Symptoms are treatable. They pass. And with time, care, and support, you will discover ways to cope that make life feel lighter again.

If you can do just one thing today, let it be this: breathe. Breathe in this moment, even if it’s just for one more breath. Inhale and exhale through the fog. Take in the positive and release the negative. Let that be enough. Then maybe one more. And one more after that. You don’t need to have everything figured out. You just need to get through now and deep breaths can help that. Don’t worry if you are following the “breathing guide.” Just focus on moving air in and out of your lungs. You can do this.

There are people who love you—even when your mind tells you otherwise. There are memories you haven’t made yet, laughter you haven’t shared, places you haven’t seen. Think of the things you want to see. Maybe a niece’s first steps, your daughter graduating high school. The world is still waiting for you, exactly as you are. You are not alone, even when it feels like it. The world tells you to think of those who will miss you. Instead, think of who you would miss and why. You may think you are alone, but you hold the past memories of others and will hold the future memories of your favorite people.

One day, this version of you will be a memory. And future you—the one who made it through—will be so proud. You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to rest. You don’t have to know it all or be all or do it all. You just need to exist. Living is not a sprint with a finish line when you get the “perfect” life. Being alive means messing up, but not giving up. But please, don’t disappear. You are needed.

With all the love and compassion in the world,

Me

P.S.- I am so proud of you.